Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
