I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
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While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
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Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I die, sorry about rent.
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