Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
