We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
