I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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