When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
