We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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