So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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