I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
