Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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