i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
