In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I could make wine with my vomit
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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