what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
