I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
