I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
