I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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