y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
