got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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