oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
