Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
