Just cropdusted the office
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
