Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
