I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
