I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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