Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
They have beer where we have blood.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
