I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Couch. On fire.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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