im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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