You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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