i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
