how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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