just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
