Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
