HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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