i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
