I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
