so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize