i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
