Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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