two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
