All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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