When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
