from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
