Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
