I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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