I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
