I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
