I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
