it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
