Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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