I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
