Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
