i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
