Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
