My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
