these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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