she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
