In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
