So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
