Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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