pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
