I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
