My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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