if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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