There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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