its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
