Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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