Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
