I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
