i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When are your genitals available?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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