dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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