We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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