I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm getting married
To pizza
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
