and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
