I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
