Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
