And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
