apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
