I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize